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Slums of Omega

June 6, 2012

So ya, he’s ok.

Commander Amanda Shepard:   Omega smells of everything that’s wrong with civilization.   But we can’t leave yet, not without the Doctor.

Chris:  Did you catch the part about the Shepard Scholarship to help kids to go to military better school.   It made me think of all the propaganda that gets spewed our way and spun to tell lies.

We gave this guy 1000 Credits. We’re not proud.

CAS:  I liked the idea of a scholarship and the military got me off Earth.

Chris: (grumbles then eureka)  You know about five mins later I heard a PA for the Kaidan scholarship.

CAS:  Our personal dislike of him shouldn’t haunt his public memory.

Chris:  Whoa.   When did you get so sensitive about that guy?

CAS:  (growing impatient)  Let’s just run the mission.   Right away, we get screwed again.

Chris:  Right.  Finally, we have Garus on our team to take the long shots but…the plague kills Turians.  So, unless you’re a dick.

I’ve pistol whipped my own crew for less bullshit.

CAS:  Garus had to stay behind.   No questions.

Chris:  That did suck.    We’ll now we are back to Jacob and Miranda.    I really want to scream at those guys.   “Hey, retards….I’m over here.”    I don’t remember having nearly as many problems with the AI and pathfinding in Mass Effect.

There is no I in teamwork.

We actually had to run back to figure out where they went. That’s Miranda, covering my flank from half a mile away. Good job team.

CAS:   Soldiers who could actually do their jobs.

Chris:  Ewwwwwwww.   When we get back, maybe we should really tear…no…wait that’s a violation of the greater Mass Effect liturgical procession.   I just don’t want him on our team.

CAS:   Miranda didn’t perform so well either.

Chris:  Even if the pathfinding is blown in this game, Garus would still be taking the long shots.   Weak….On the plus side, WE PUNCHN KROGAN.

WE PUNCHN KROGAN!

CAS:  (arms up in the air party dancing)

WE PUNCHN, PUNCHN, KROGAN

Chris:  I know, shut up.    Now it’s party.    Yes, it turns out  F has once again become our favorite letter on the keyboard. That’s because you can spell so many great words with the letter F….like.   Fist and Face.    That’s fun to say.   And fun is another F word.   Fun Fist Face.

CAS:  That’s not how I would describe it.

Chris:  You would say we’re kicking ass.

CAS:  Hell, ya, we’re kicking ass.

Chris:  Much of this comes from the rhythm and timing of the charge attack.

Step one: Turn blue.

Step two: Explode

Chris:  And we haven’t even upgraded it.   Soon:Bull in China shop.

CAS:  Until then you have the good fortune of having my excellent sniper skills.

Are these not the hands that destroyed Sovereign?

The magic of the Carnifex vanishing device. Turn unsightly gun roosts into a silent graveyards with just an easy squeeze of the finger.

Chris:  I feel mixed about the new gun.    You’re headshotting from pretty far away with a pistol.

CAS:  (Points, squeezes)  Yes, but the sniper work was never my style.

Chris:   The melee.   The letter F.  Seriously, I loved how we started chasing people down, even if you didn’t have a charge built up….you would just sprint over and pow, pow, pow.

“Why do you run, you know I’ll chase you.”

CAS:   I don’t like to hang back.

Chris:  So in the end we spread a cure and helped an alien and killed a ton of other aliens.   Dr.  ADHD is in.

The good Dr. Solus and his much less cool assistant…..human.

CAS:   Now we start hunting the Collectors.

Chris:  Oh, we almost forgot.   Garus does a dance.

CAS:   Ha.

Garus’s duck dance.

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